Shake Your Groove Thang

I have a confession.

I am an AVID fan of Britney Spears. (New CD? Loves it!)

Have you stopped laughing yet?

No?

Now?

Still no?

Ever since her music came out, I made up my own dances to her songs (more to the amusement of my friends, who usually only saw them when there was alcohol involved) and listened to them while I ran. "Slave For You," "Toxic," "Gimme More," "Womanizer…" they all make me wanna get up off my butt and shake my thang. And if I'm running and one of her songs comes on…well, I definitely pick up the pace. Which leads to my question….

What music makes you work out harder, run faster, or dance….crazier (for me, that's good)?

Artificial Sweeteners

In an effort to cut down on my diet coke intake (I used to drink two 32. oz fountain drinks and one 12 oz. can), I've started drinking more unsweet iced tea. I have Splenda packets that I bought awhile back, so I've been using those. I know Splenda was marketed to be "safe" since it came from sugar, but I know now that it is not as "safe" as we all thought (um....chlorine?! I like to swim in it but don't want it in my belly!). I found this website that lists all of the artificial sweeteners and their pros/cons. So what is your sweetener of choice? Aspartame? Sucralose? Stevia? Acesulfame K? Or a little real sugar?

As per the usual, I am a little wishy washy on this subject....but I have a sweet tooth and I need SOME form of sweetness in my food and drinks. :-)

Pumpkin Recipes

I made these Iced Pumpkin Cookies this weekend and YUM! (Sorry I didn't have my camera with me to take "live" pictures). :-) Even my friends who aren't crazy about pumpkin really liked them. They are very moist and soft...right up my alley! I am definitely bringing them to our Thanksgiving.

Also, here is the recipe for the Crustless Pumpkin Pie that my mom always makes for our Thanksgiving. Don't get me wrong, this girl likes her crust, but it is so good that I don't even miss it!

A Few of my Favorite Things

So I know many of us are in the same (gravy) boat here….but with the holidays fast approaching, I wanted to ask:

What is your favorite Thanksgiving/Fall dish? (Healthy and unhealthy?)

My favorite (unhealthy) Thanksgiving dish would have to be stuffing, probably because I know I'll only eat it once a year. My grandma makes the MOST DELISH stuffing ever….I don't think I could ever replicate it. My favorite HEALTHY Turkey Day dish is (diabetic friendly) crustless pumpkin pie my mom makes. YUM! Now, I'm a girl who likes her crust, but this is good stuff.

Ya'll always have great ideas, so I'm hoping to steal some from you!

And now, a song my friend's preschooler learned at school (picture a reallllly cute kid singing it): :-)


I'm a Little Turkey (I'm a Little Teapot)

I'm a little turkey, Turkey Ted.
Here are my feathers, here is my head.
"Gobble, gobble, gobble," is what I say,
"Hurry! Run! It's Thanksgiving Day!"

Baby Steps

As a part of me trying to eat healthier and get back into working out regularly, I’ve decided to set some goals for myself to ease back into things. I think trying to jump back into working out an hour and a half each day and eating "perfectly" (for me that means no binges!) would be too overwhelming. So I’m going to set these goals for myself now. After Christmas (only 5.5 weeks away – yay!!!!) I will re-evaluate them and set additional goals that are more challenging:

1. Drink at least 125 ounces of water a day – NOT including the water I drink before/during/after a workout.*
2. Avoid diet sodas at night.
3. Do cardio 4-5 times a week, for 30-60 minutes.
4. Start strength training. Period!
5. Eat at least 2-3 servings of fruit/veggies a day (that is not a lot, I know…baby steps!)

(*Does anyone know how much water you are “supposed” to have each day? I heard the 8 glasses of water thing is inaccurate….but I also heard too much water can be bad!)

Have you ever had to ease yourself into something by taking baby steps?

Take it on the Run

Taking a cue from Heather at HangryPants the other day, I decided to think about this whole hip thing differently. I am a worrier at heart – I swear, my parents said as a baby I had a definite “worried” look. When it comes to running injuries, my fingers always race to the keyboard to jump on Google to research my symptoms. I’m not kidding when I say that I’ve probably spent over 100 hours researching what the heck is wrong with me in the past 14 months. Shouldn't 100 hours qualify me for having completed an internship or certification of some type? Hmmm. Anyway, since the most recent doctor has given me a new prognosis, it’s (knock on wood!) feeling better. Not everyday, but I’d say about 75% of the time, I’m pain free!!

My company sponsors the Indianapolis Mini-Marathon every year, and yesterday when our Community Relations person asked me if I wanted a free entry for next year, I blurted out “yes!” before I could really think about it. It is 169 days from today, or a little less than 6 months away.

I’m going to approach the next 169 days in a positive way as I attempt to lace up my running shoes again. Yesterday morning, for example, I set my alarm for 5:45 a.m. and hopped out of bed (I was so excited!) to try and run. I walked/ran 2 miles, with NO PAIN while I was running! I’m hoping that thinking happy thoughts about this whole thing will benefit me in getting better. And if I end up not being able to run the Mini, that's okay, too. :-)

What about you? Have you ever gotten through something (injury, heartache, your heat being broken in your house 2 times in a month, etc.) because you were thinking optimistically? Do you agree that positive thinking has an effect on how you can heal?

Me, my dad, and some friends at the 2005 Mini

Drink of Choice

In becoming more acquainted with the food bloggy world, I’ve noticed that many bloggers do not drink diet sodas or drinks with artificial sweeteners. So I really feel like I have to “fess up” to my addiction.

My name is Holly. And I’m addicted to Diet Cokes from McDonald’s. (See previous post re: loving the golden arches.)

Really. I get one every morning before work, and usually one at lunch. I also drink a Caffeine Free Diet Coke from a can at night.

Now, before you ask me my address to send me bottles of Fiji water by the pallet, I DO drink a lot of water. It’s the first thing and last thing I drink everyday, and I drink it with ALL of my meals. I drink more than 100 ounces depending on if I am working out and how much (when I was training for marathons, I guzzled about a gizzillion ounces a day).

To be honest, the idea of giving up DCs forever scares me. I know the artificial sweeteners are bad. I know they say diet sodas cause weight gain, although I don’t think this is the case with me. But it is my ONE vice, and it’s what gets me through the day.

So I’m going to start with giving up my can of diet soda at night. I know this might not seem like a big sacrifice, but it really is for me. I am hoping that slowly I can get down to one DC a day. Then, maybe I’ll get down to a few times a week.

What about you? What do you drink on a normal day? Any ideas for good, low-cal drinks?

A-PEAR-antly...I Love Muffins

First off...some Halloween pictures!! My niece, Reese, was a princess. A very original idea, I know. But, seriously...super cute!



So I used to think Johnny Depp was the cutest pirate, but....

I think I was wrong.

And how cute are my nieces?!!!

So on with the show....I stayed with my niece and nephew last night since my sister and her hubs left for Arizona super early this morning. I decided to make Pear Muffins, at the the wonderful suggestion of Erica (*thanks, Erica!) and my sweet teeth was demanding it.

Ingredients

1/2 c. plain nonfat yogurt

3 tablespoons vegetable oil

1 egg

1 1/2 c. flour

3/4 c. sugar

2 tablespoons baking soda

1/4 tspn. salt

1 diced pear

Mix together yogurt, oil, and egg, and set aside. Mix all dry ingredients in bowl, and slowly add in the yogurt mixture. Add in diced pear. Spray muffin tins with Pam (or use liners....we were out, and I was scurred to take these 2 to the grocery by myself at 8 a.m.!), and bake 12/-14 minutes at 400 degrees or until golden brown.

They were so soft and I had to have one fresh out of the oven. So yummy! The actual muffin tasted a little corn breadish (which I LOVE), and the pears were a great compliment.

The food critic: Reese can be a pretty picky eater. I didn't think she liked pears, but I was hoping she....um....wouldn't notice. ;-)

Unfortunately, when I got her bowl, she told me she "picked out all the apples. I like apples, Aunt Holly, but not in muffins." Um...okay. Good to know. :-) Oh, well...maybe next time I'll puree the pears?!

On the Road Again?

Hmmm....can you tell I'm a HUGE musical person with all of my post titles? :-)

I ran/walked yesterday for 3 miles - with no pain! YAY!! I am hoping this is not just a fluke, since this has happened before and the pain has come back. But for now, I'm just enjoying this moment! It felt so good to be back out there. Here's hoping it's just a sign of times to come!

I’m sorry, but….I AM lovin’ it.

I remember a time, not too long ago, when I gave up McDonald’s. I practically grew up on it as a kid, and I gave it up completely when my eating disorder first began. Fries? Eeeek! Hamburgers? Sick! And Ice Cream Sundaes? (oh, how I love you now…please forgive me.) – NO thank you!

Cut to several years later, when a newly graduated, poor Catholic school teacher needed a meal quickly. A CHEAP meal. A cheap HEALTHY meal. Impossible, you say? As I perused the internet looking at the nutritional facts for different fast food places, I saw that the McD’s hamburger was only 250 calories. And the yogurt parfait was only 130 calories. I was intrigued. The best part? Only two bucks for the whole meal!

Now, I know what they say about McDonald’s meat. But desperate times, people. :-) And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…I actually like their hamburgers! They are just the right size, and those ONIONS? Normally I hate onions, but those little, tiny onions are just right. And don’t EVEN get me started on the $1 yogurt parfait. I now get it every morning (*sliding down in my chair*) for breakfast, because it is cheaper than what I normally get at the grocery store for breakfast (Breakstone’s Cottage Cheese Doubles – love ‘em!).

I know. I’m a former McDonald’s hater, too. And I know my body after death will stay preserved by itself because of all the additives I’m consuming (okay...that myth was about Twinkies).

But it’s okay to have one guilty pleasure…right? (Well, I have more than one, but we won't go there right now).

Ever been...

called a piglet for eating 3 servings of pretzels in a row?

I have. :-)

Third Time’s the Charm?

Last week I paid a visit to my third doctor in the hopes that maybe he would be able to determine what’s wrong with me. What’s wrong with my HIP. Who knows what’s wrong with ME?! Ha! Anyway…I brought in my X-Rays from last fall and after examining the X-Rays and me, I got the old, “Hmmm…mmmm…weeeeeeell…” Not the exact words (or sounds) you want coming from your doctor’s mouth. :-)

Basically he said he didn’t know what my problem was, either. With my hip. If he had to GUESS, he guessed it might be Meralgia Parestetica. He explained that, because now the problem was mainly my outer thigh (a burning feeling), he thinks it could be due to a pinched nerve. He gave me some meds to try and I’ll go back in a month to follow-up.

Of course faster than you can say “Aunt Sally”, I came back to the office and Googled “Meralgia Parestetica.” (Shouldn’t “Google” officially be a verb in the dictionary? I know I use that word at LEAST ten times a day.) To my surprise (and amusement), here is what one website had to say about MP:

Restrictive clothing and weight gain are two common reasons for pressure on a nerve. Your physician may ask if you wear a heavy tool belt at work or if you consistently wear a tight corset or girdle. He or she may recommend a weight loss program.

It’s true, okay?! The pants have gotten a bit tight lately…but a girdle? Um…not so much. Anyway, I couldn’t help but laugh (quietly, since my office has the noise level of a library) as I pictured me in some tight leather pants with a tool belt, lacing up my corset.

I mean…really? Who knew our wardrobes could cause nerves to be pinched, eh?

It's Beginning to Look a lot like Halloween....

Sorry I have been a little sporadic on the posts here lately....I'm officially moved into my house, but in an effort to save money, don't have the internet there. :-( Well, I guess I would need a computer first, anyway, huh?

Even though the thought of seeing another box/Rubbermaid container makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth (I love over exaggerating), it has been SO NICE to finally organize all of my junk...er, stuff. I am finally getting organized! And with the combination of being busy and hanging out with my roommate at night, I haven't binged in TWO WEEKS! Thankfully, the pants that were getting tight a few weeks ago are now back to feeling normal. My goal is just to take off the weight I've put on in the past 6 months from not being able to workout and from binging, which is approximately 10 pounds. I really am trying to hold myself accountable and want to do this! Even if it means I have to step it up on the swimming. :-)

Anyway, I baked these mini-muffins last night and they were OH SO YUMMY! I just had to share. I love pumpkin. Anything and everything pumpkin. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin pudding...I mean, they could make pumpkin PAPER and I'd be all over that. So I had to share!

The Moving Diet

The Moving Diet = spend approximately 2-3 hours every night packing things and preparing to move. Upon arrival in new home, spend approximately 2-3 hours every night UNpacking things and preparing to function normally. Continue to eat healthy foods throughout the day and in the evening. Drink LOTS of water, as it is very important to hydrate during the move. *Take shots of tequila while participating in the aforementioned packing and unpacking. No time is allowed for binges (especially on cookie dough) because you will be busy every night packing and unpacking.

*Unfortunately I only just thought of this part right now and didn't actually do it...but that would seriously make it so much more fun. :-)

Sweet Home Alabama

I'm off to Alabama for the week! Our family is going to Gulf Shores and I'm super stoked....it's been a stressful few weeks trying to get everything in line for the house, so I'm pretty pumped for a vacay right now. :-)

And I CLOSE on my house tomorrow!!! Lots of exciting stuff. Pics to come soon!

Hope you have a fabulous week! :-)

Baby Got Back

I will never forget one day when my sister and I were watching "Full House." I was in the 3rd grade and my sister was in the 5th grade. Stephanie (the middle sister on the show) was always big into dancing, and one episode she was wearing tights or leotards. Stephanie turned sideways and my sister said, "Look, Holly, her butt sticks out like yours!"

Now, I know my sister didn't mean this in a bad way. I mean, we were 9 and 11. But it's funny how, in all of my years growing up, this has always stuck with me. I've always had more junk in my trunk - apparently even in the 3rd grade.

We all have things that we don't like about our bodies, and they are all different. The funny thing is, now I've grown to like the extra junk in my trunk. (accidentally typed "truck"...hahahaha) Same thing about my hair. Growing up, I absolutely hated having curly, thick hair. I wanted stick straight really THIN hair. Now that I'm older, though, that is one thing that I like about myself.

Sure, there are certain types of clothes that I can't wear because I don't feel comfortable in them. And I hate bathing suit shopping (I know...who LIKES it?) because I'm always trying to camouflage my derriere. But then I think about when I "lost" my booty when I was too skinny...and I remember missing it!

I guess that is one great thing about growing up and becoming more comfortable in our bodies. We either accept what we have, or (hopefully) we learn to love what makes us different.

Does anyone else have things that they didn't like about themselves growing up, but have learned to love?

So I've Been Thinking....

3 weeks from tomorrow, I will be officially moving into my house!

My best friend, D, will be moving in with me. D and I have been best friends since High School. He has been with me through some very tough times, and I'm extremely grateful to him for all of his support. He makes me laugh in the times I need it most, and builds me up (buttercup!) when I've beaten myself up for something I've done. Oh, and he's gay, too - so what more could a girl ask for? :-) I will be the Grace to his Will. Minus the awesome red hair.

I will have to admit, though, as our move-in day approaches, I'm getting more and more nervous about this whole transition. D has a VERY strong personality - he's never met a stranger, and he is not at all afraid to tell it like it is. I'm extremely non-confrontational and am a big fan of sugar coating things. I'm always terrified of upsetting or angering other people, so I try to approach my problems with others in a very cautious manner. In short, I'm worried that if I approach him about a problem that I have, he'll get mad at me and shut me out. (Which of course I will take personally and think it is my fault).

When I've had roommate problems before, my eating/exercising has always been the first thing to go out of wack. I'm hoping that this will not be the case. 95% of the time when I worry about something, it doesn't always happen. Hopefully this will be the case!

One GOOD thing we have going for us is that we are BIG on open communication. It's hard for me to be 100% honest with people for fear of hurting their feelings, but with him it's much easier. I hope this will be our saving grace.

Any tips on how to deal with any problems we might have? I've already considered "couples therapy." (Kind of kinding....kind of not). :-)

Do You Know the Muffin Man?

Why does it seem whenever we are starting to get back "on track" with things in our lives, there are always little timely temptations?

I work at the headquarters for a local grocery store chain....so, yes, there is always food around the office. But in my previous job as a teacher, you better believe sweets were bountiful in the teacher's lounge. Most days it's easy for me to pass up the sweets....some days, not so much.

I was, however, very proud that I passed up the MONSTEROUS bowl of M&M's in the break room yesterday (okay....I had 6), the free cake, the muffins....I could go on. Unfortunately, I'm not the gal who can have "just one cookie" and call it quits. I'm the gal who has one cookie, beats herself up for it, then buys a 10-pack on the way home from work. :-) Maybe one day I will be the "just one cookie" gal. A girl can dream....

The whole idea of sweets and cake at the office ALWAYS reminds me of one of my favorite comedians, Jim Gaffigan. He's a fellow Indiana native, so of course I love him for that, but he's also quite funny. I love what he has to say on the subject of cake. So true!

Back in Business

So I've been a little MIA for various reasons....I kind of fell off the wagon here recently, and I didn't want to be a Debbie Downer on here. I'm TRYING to focus on the positive. :-) LSS (long story short), my hip/thigh has been bothering me again, so I got a little bummed about it and my eating went wacko!

On a good and exciting note, I went swimming for the first time (well...since high school gym class when it was required and we were all forced to wear the awkward 1930's style one-pieces), and my hip/thigh wasn't any worse the next day! And this is SO cheesy to say, but Michael Phelps has really inspired me. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm jealous the guy consumes a bizillion calories at day. Nope, not jealous at all about that. :-) But really, I'd forgotten how INTENSE a swim workout can be. With running, even when running 15 miles, you find a constant...a steady pace (I never claimed to be a sprinter!). But with swimming, even when you're going "slow" you can still feel your heart pounding! I <3 it!

Oh...and another little reason I've been stressed? I bought a house!! It's empty now, so I've just included a few pics. I close in 3 weeks!!!!! Not excited at all, can'tcha tell? ;-)

House Hunters and a Weekend Challenge

I love a challenge that holds you accountable to something. Here is a fun challenge that I decided to do....to slow it down for the weekend - in whatever way you should interpret it.

For ME the major challenges of weekends come on Sundays. I really dislike my job, and often I turn to binging to get my mind off of going back to work the next day. So I'm challenging myself to keep busy tomorrow and to not fall into that trap. Wish me luck! :-)

On an exciting note - I'm going house hunting today! I've finally decided to bite the bullet and buy a home. It's very scary and overwhelming, but hopefully it will be a pain-free process!

Kettle...hell?

Day 1...complete!

Well, I didn't wake up early as promised to work out yesterday, but I did work out after I got home last night. I kept it light and very easy, just doing about 30 minutes of some free weights, ab work, and using my new kettlebell. This kettlebell thing KICKED my ass. I feel like a wimp and a half (mainly because I just got the 10 lb. one), but I did 3 sets of the squats and I am FEELING it today. It's that "Oh, yeah, I'm sore because I actually did something good" feeling. I love that feeling. I miss that feeling!

Tomorrow I'm going to do the same routine in the morning, and I'm going to either bike or walk. I am also going tomorrow at lunch to buy a yoga DVD at Tarjay (my fancy pronunciation of "Target" - I want to kiss the person who made this store...it completes me).

What is that saying, "Slow and steady wins the race?" (My mom has a billion of these sayings, and I guess I'm officially turning into her because I say them ALL the time). Anyway, hopefully that saying is right and I'll be back on the treadmill (or the elliptical!) in no time. :-)

After All....Tomorrow is Another Day

You know when you take time off from something, and then the idea of going back to it seems so daunting? THAT is how I feel about working out again! Grr.

I used to be so disciplined: waking up at 5 a.m. and working out for 75 minutes. Now I can’t even get my lazy butt out of bed at 7:10 a.m. – without working out!

It’s been 5 weeks since I’ve worked out – I mean, really worked out – and the idea of going back seems so intimidating. I think, too, a part of me is terrified that my hip pain will flare up again.

So I’m officially starting tomorrow morning – no, really, I am. :-) I’ve done some research on strength training and went out and bought a kettlebell, so hopefully that will be a good start.

On a good note, I’ve gone 4 weeks without cookie dough (I mean, like a serious cookie dough binge). Hey, that's gotta count for something…right?

Dog Paddle or Downward Dog?

I have taken a 4+ week sabbatical from working out, in an attempt to let my hip heal. In good news, my hip has been feeling great for the last week or two, aside from some minor aches. (Hooray!!!!) So I feel like my time off has been justified (or so I'm telling myself.....)

I think it’s time to slloooowly get back into working out. I’d like to start lifting, because it’s something I’ve never really done (other than some lifting with free weights at home occasionally), but I would also like to get involved in something else. Oh, how I wish I could do cardio! But, I don’t think my hip would like that too much. So I’ve narrowed it down to two choices: yoga or swimming.

I can only afford to do one right now because I have to either pay money for the classes or to join a pool. I think both activities would be good to do while I’m letting my hip do whatever it has to do in order to get better. But which of the two is better? Any thoughts? Miss Indecisive here looking for any opinions you might have!

The Hip.

It all started 11 months ago.

I was training for what would have been my 4th marathon. Now, I had taken some time off in the winter and spring and probably jumped back into running too quickly (translation: I ate a lot of cookies in the winter time and got lazy). But the first half of my training went so smoothly...all until that 17 mile run one day in September.

I noticed my hip was a little achy after that run. Immediately I diagnosed myself with bursitis (every doctor must really hate WebMD, thanks to people like me). I've diagnosed myself with it before, and after taking off a week or two, taking ibuprofen, and icing my hip, I had been just fine. So, I did just that. Only....it didn't get better. I tried to do an 18 mile run the next Saturday and made it only a half mile down the road before bursting into tears. I knew something was wrong.

I couldn't afford to skip too many long runs, but I took another week off. STILL not better. The first sports medicine doctor told me it was bursitis. Ha! I knew it! I should be a consultant for WebMD! Or maybe go to Med School?? He gave me a cortisone shot, told me to do Physical Therapy, and sent me on my way. He said no running, but the elliptical and/or walking was okay. I was bummed about the marathon, but excited that I could continue my exercise.

All winter, my hip refused to get better and stay better. I went to a chiropractor who adjusted me...still not better. Went back to the doctor who gave me another shot...still not better. I even tried a different doctor to get a second opinion - he told me he didn't know what it was. His guess? A muscle strain. Sigh. What is this, an episode of "House" or something?? If so, were is Dr. Chase? I would like to be examined by HIM.

The one thing that has brought some relief in all of this is acupuncture. I am not getting the "traditional" acupuncture, but electroacupuncture. The needles are inserted directly into the areas that are painful, hooked up to electrodes, and varying electrical pulses are then sent to that area for about 10 minutes. This doctor (also a chiropractor) also gave me a lift to wear in my left shoe, because that leg is shorter.

I've also decided to take time off from the only cardio I had been doing (the elliptical and walking). It will be 4 weeks tomorrow. I'm itching to get back in the gym, but I am terrified that it will make my hip worse again.

I just hope and pray I'll be able to run one day. SO many people have given me the, "Oh...well, you will have to find something else to do!" or, "Well, running IS so hard on your body! How about walking instead?" But running was my passion, where I sorted out all my problems, and the only physical thing that I feel I am good at.

Okay, I lie. I can do a kick ass tripod headstand like you wouldn't believe.

Puppy Chow Down

Now, 'round these parts, our "Puppy Chow" is a little different from others I've had. Puppy Chow (also called "Monkey Munch," "Chex Mix," "White Trash," "Cereal with Crack"...okay I made that last one up) in our family is this recipe.




But my friend who grew up only an hour from me says Puppy Chow is this recipe.





I call the latter recipe "Monkey Munch" from 'Jon and Kate Plus 8' - a show which has given me meaning in life and drives me out of bed every morning. Okay, not really, but I love it nonetheless. The nice thing about MM is that I made it safe for my nephew (allergic to gluten, dairy, potatoes, oranges and peanut butter) by using alternate butter and chocolate chips, and by using sunflower seed butter. It was actually pretty good (translation: I ended up eating most of it).

WHATEVER you call this stuff, or WHICHever recipe you use, it is a-m-a-z-i-n-g! I had a bowl...okay, two bowls last night. Okay, so three bowls. Whatever.

Anyway, it's real good stuff and super easy to make.

Up, Down, and All Around

I thought I would show some pictures of my weight losses/gains in the past. I've seen others do this, and it's interesting how differently people perceive themselves in photos. Often on any given day in the past 10 years I will think, "Ugh, I just look so fat in this today." Then, when looking back in pictures later I will think, "Wow! I looked pretty thin!" or, "Dang, my booty looks pretty good in that picture!" or, "Who the hell picked out your outfit that day, girl?!" You get my point. For some reason I see myself differently in photos than I do in the mirror.


To start......Here is a picture of me in high school. Yes, this is my senior picture....I don't just sit around on rocks and waterfalls for everyday pictures (unless you ask me to). This was before I really cared about calories and fat grams. My weight was about 138 at this time (I am 5'9"). This was taken about a month before my heart was broken (okay, we dated for 2 months....but that is an eternity when you are 17!) and I began to really restrict my eating.



Eeek! It is weird to look at the picture below. Here I am at my smallest weight, 110 pounds, at the end of my senior year. I remember examining my body every day in the mirror and being so excited as it became bonier. I know, I know....pretty gross. Now I can look back and see how SICK I looked. I never, ever want to be this small again! I was a size 2, but had NO booty, NO boobs, and NO period. NO thank you. Well, except for the no period part. That was kind of sweet.


Ahhh...the good ole' Freshman 15. Only mine was the Freshman 30, but whatever. Do we really have to get technical? I vividly remember discovering foods again the summer before college. I would come home late at night after being out with my friends and binge on cereal, nachos with cheese, basically anything I didn't allow myself to eat the previous year. My whole freshman year was spent being ridiculously self-conscious of my weight. Yes, I was back at my previous weight, around 138. But after being so small not that long ago, I felt huge. And THEN there was the binging and purging. I started binging and making myself get sick probably 2-3 times a day, and this lasted most of my freshman year.

Throughout college, my weight stayed between 130-135. So I'm jumping ahead a few years to 2004. The picture below is from my first marathon. Ahhh....the good ole' days. I had run for 8 years and had always wanted to do a full marathon. I fell in love with training and was hooked. My eating was the most normal it had been in a long time at this point. I was eating healthy because I was training and wanted to run well, yet it felt so good to be able to indulge in desserts without guilt, especially after those 18 mile runs. I was around 126 pounds here.

I became so hooked on my marathon training, I decided to train for another marathon in May 2008. I remember if I ran less than 8 miles, I always did the elliptical, too. I was working a LOT during this time (teaching full-time and tutoring 10 kids a week) and was definitely over-doing it. Even though I remember pigging out on the days I had long runs, I restricted on the days I felt I didn't work out "enough" (to me, that was running less than 6 or 7 miles). My weight here was around 118 pounds. Excuse my shiny face - our school wasn't air conditioned and apparently I didn't know what powder was.



I got out of teaching and over that summer gained a good ten pounds back. I was glad to be looking more healthy (and have my boobs and booty back!), but of course I still struggled with binging more than anything. I am jumping a few years ahead to the fall of 2007. It's pretty sad, but in looking back I don't have a lot of "body" shots from the last 2 years. I think mainly because I've been so self-conscious since I haven't been running or working out. I know, I know....my grand kids will look back one day and be all, "Grandma, why aren't there pictures of you when you were 25-27?" And I'll be all, "Because I was stupid." Anyhow, below is a picture from last fall when I weighed around 132. My weight got up to around 138 this winter, but between my camera being broken and the previously mentioned reason, I don't really have pictures to prove it.

Below is a recent picture, taken last month. My weight fluctuates 3-5 pounds regularly, so right now (and in this picture) I'm between 132-135.

Now, it's not my goal here to get back to the no booty/no boobs girl as seen above. This baby got back, and I happen to like it. I just need some help with the cookie dough patrol, please.

Binges, Ed, and Cookie Dough Benders

So this is step number 2,367 that I am taking in my "food control" journey, in an effort to eat more healthy and stop binging on candy, cookies, cookie dough....and basically any other junk food (I'm partial to those that start with a "c," apparently).

I've seen others start a blog for the same reason as me, and I think it's a pretty darn good idea. I'm starting this to hold myself accountable for what I eat and what I do to stay active (well, when that time comes).

The active part will be a bit tricky. You see, I've been a runner for the past 12 years. I ran half-marathons annually, until 2004 when I ran my first full marathon. When training for my 4th marathon last fall, my hip started bothering me and has ever since. After 2 doctors, 2 chiropractors and a physical therapist, I'm still not sure what it is. In any event, I've decided to lay off exercising for right now in an effort to let it heal. I figure it can't make it worse, right?

The eating part is a bit tricky, too. I know, I know....excuses, excuses! But this is a pretty good one. I struggled with an eating disorder for 7 years off and on (when I tell people I had a 7-year relationship with an abusive bastard named "Ed," I'm not kidding. Of course I don't REALLY tell people that). I was used to binging, purging, binging, not eating, binging, exercising....yep, you see the recurring theme there. This girl loves to put down whole packages of cookie dough in one sitting. Ahhhh....cookie dough. My first love. I am now salivating.....so let's change the subject, shall we?

I've been keeping a food diary for about 7 months, though still struggling with the binging thing. I've been "clean" for 2 weeks, though. Hurrah! Progress is progress. I've decided to start journaling here, as well, to hold me further accountable.

I want to make it clear that my goal here isn't to necessarily lose weight. I just want to be a "normal" eater (as in, someone who doesn't down a whole bag of mini-Snicker bars for dinner, then drives to the grocery store for a roll of cookie dough. Unless you tell me it is normal, in which case, where are my keys?! I need to go to the grocery store).