Monday, July 28, 2008

Puppy Chow Down

Now, 'round these parts, our "Puppy Chow" is a little different from others I've had. Puppy Chow (also called "Monkey Munch," "Chex Mix," "White Trash," "Cereal with Crack"...okay I made that last one up) in our family is this recipe.

But my friend who grew up only an hour from me says Puppy Chow is this recipe.

I call the latter recipe "Monkey Munch" from 'Jon and Kate Plus 8' - a show which has given me meaning in life and drives me out of bed every morning. Okay, not really, but I love it nonetheless. The nice thing about MM is that I made it safe for my nephew (allergic to gluten, dairy, potatoes, oranges and peanut butter) by using alternate butter and chocolate chips, and by using sunflower seed butter. It was actually pretty good (translation: I ended up eating most of it).

WHATEVER you call this stuff, or WHICHever recipe you use, it is a-m-a-z-i-n-g! I had a bowl...okay, two bowls last night. Okay, so three bowls. Whatever.

Anyway, it's real good stuff and super easy to make.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Up, Down, and All Around

I thought I would show some pictures of my weight losses/gains in the past. I've seen others do this, and it's interesting how differently people perceive themselves in photos. Often on any given day in the past 10 years I will think, "Ugh, I just look so fat in this today." Then, when looking back in pictures later I will think, "Wow! I looked pretty thin!" or, "Dang, my booty looks pretty good in that picture!" or, "Who the hell picked out your outfit that day, girl?!" You get my point. For some reason I see myself differently in photos than I do in the mirror.

To start......Here is a picture of me in high school. Yes, this is my senior picture....I don't just sit around on rocks and waterfalls for everyday pictures (unless you ask me to). This was before I really cared about calories and fat grams. My weight was about 138 at this time (I am 5'9"). This was taken about a month before my heart was broken (okay, we dated for 2 months....but that is an eternity when you are 17!) and I began to really restrict my eating.

Eeek! It is weird to look at the picture below. Here I am at my smallest weight, 110 pounds, at the end of my senior year. I remember examining my body every day in the mirror and being so excited as it became bonier. I know, I know....pretty gross. Now I can look back and see how SICK I looked. I never, ever want to be this small again! I was a size 2, but had NO booty, NO boobs, and NO period. NO thank you. Well, except for the no period part. That was kind of sweet.

Ahhh...the good ole' Freshman 15. Only mine was the Freshman 30, but whatever. Do we really have to get technical? I vividly remember discovering foods again the summer before college. I would come home late at night after being out with my friends and binge on cereal, nachos with cheese, basically anything I didn't allow myself to eat the previous year. My whole freshman year was spent being ridiculously self-conscious of my weight. Yes, I was back at my previous weight, around 138. But after being so small not that long ago, I felt huge. And THEN there was the binging and purging. I started binging and making myself get sick probably 2-3 times a day, and this lasted most of my freshman year.

Throughout college, my weight stayed between 130-135. So I'm jumping ahead a few years to 2004. The picture below is from my first marathon. Ahhh....the good ole' days. I had run for 8 years and had always wanted to do a full marathon. I fell in love with training and was hooked. My eating was the most normal it had been in a long time at this point. I was eating healthy because I was training and wanted to run well, yet it felt so good to be able to indulge in desserts without guilt, especially after those 18 mile runs. I was around 126 pounds here.

I became so hooked on my marathon training, I decided to train for another marathon in May 2008. I remember if I ran less than 8 miles, I always did the elliptical, too. I was working a LOT during this time (teaching full-time and tutoring 10 kids a week) and was definitely over-doing it. Even though I remember pigging out on the days I had long runs, I restricted on the days I felt I didn't work out "enough" (to me, that was running less than 6 or 7 miles). My weight here was around 118 pounds. Excuse my shiny face - our school wasn't air conditioned and apparently I didn't know what powder was.

I got out of teaching and over that summer gained a good ten pounds back. I was glad to be looking more healthy (and have my boobs and booty back!), but of course I still struggled with binging more than anything. I am jumping a few years ahead to the fall of 2007. It's pretty sad, but in looking back I don't have a lot of "body" shots from the last 2 years. I think mainly because I've been so self-conscious since I haven't been running or working out. I know, I grand kids will look back one day and be all, "Grandma, why aren't there pictures of you when you were 25-27?" And I'll be all, "Because I was stupid." Anyhow, below is a picture from last fall when I weighed around 132. My weight got up to around 138 this winter, but between my camera being broken and the previously mentioned reason, I don't really have pictures to prove it.

Below is a recent picture, taken last month. My weight fluctuates 3-5 pounds regularly, so right now (and in this picture) I'm between 132-135.

Now, it's not my goal here to get back to the no booty/no boobs girl as seen above. This baby got back, and I happen to like it. I just need some help with the cookie dough patrol, please.

Binges, Ed, and Cookie Dough Benders

So this is step number 2,367 that I am taking in my "food control" journey, in an effort to eat more healthy and stop binging on candy, cookies, cookie dough....and basically any other junk food (I'm partial to those that start with a "c," apparently).

I've seen others start a blog for the same reason as me, and I think it's a pretty darn good idea. I'm starting this to hold myself accountable for what I eat and what I do to stay active (well, when that time comes).

The active part will be a bit tricky. You see, I've been a runner for the past 12 years. I ran half-marathons annually, until 2004 when I ran my first full marathon. When training for my 4th marathon last fall, my hip started bothering me and has ever since. After 2 doctors, 2 chiropractors and a physical therapist, I'm still not sure what it is. In any event, I've decided to lay off exercising for right now in an effort to let it heal. I figure it can't make it worse, right?

The eating part is a bit tricky, too. I know, I know....excuses, excuses! But this is a pretty good one. I struggled with an eating disorder for 7 years off and on (when I tell people I had a 7-year relationship with an abusive bastard named "Ed," I'm not kidding. Of course I don't REALLY tell people that). I was used to binging, purging, binging, not eating, binging, exercising....yep, you see the recurring theme there. This girl loves to put down whole packages of cookie dough in one sitting. Ahhhh....cookie dough. My first love. I am now let's change the subject, shall we?

I've been keeping a food diary for about 7 months, though still struggling with the binging thing. I've been "clean" for 2 weeks, though. Hurrah! Progress is progress. I've decided to start journaling here, as well, to hold me further accountable.

I want to make it clear that my goal here isn't to necessarily lose weight. I just want to be a "normal" eater (as in, someone who doesn't down a whole bag of mini-Snicker bars for dinner, then drives to the grocery store for a roll of cookie dough. Unless you tell me it is normal, in which case, where are my keys?! I need to go to the grocery store).