Saturday, July 26, 2008

Binges, Ed, and Cookie Dough Benders

So this is step number 2,367 that I am taking in my "food control" journey, in an effort to eat more healthy and stop binging on candy, cookies, cookie dough....and basically any other junk food (I'm partial to those that start with a "c," apparently).

I've seen others start a blog for the same reason as me, and I think it's a pretty darn good idea. I'm starting this to hold myself accountable for what I eat and what I do to stay active (well, when that time comes).

The active part will be a bit tricky. You see, I've been a runner for the past 12 years. I ran half-marathons annually, until 2004 when I ran my first full marathon. When training for my 4th marathon last fall, my hip started bothering me and has ever since. After 2 doctors, 2 chiropractors and a physical therapist, I'm still not sure what it is. In any event, I've decided to lay off exercising for right now in an effort to let it heal. I figure it can't make it worse, right?

The eating part is a bit tricky, too. I know, I know....excuses, excuses! But this is a pretty good one. I struggled with an eating disorder for 7 years off and on (when I tell people I had a 7-year relationship with an abusive bastard named "Ed," I'm not kidding. Of course I don't REALLY tell people that). I was used to binging, purging, binging, not eating, binging, exercising....yep, you see the recurring theme there. This girl loves to put down whole packages of cookie dough in one sitting. Ahhhh....cookie dough. My first love. I am now let's change the subject, shall we?

I've been keeping a food diary for about 7 months, though still struggling with the binging thing. I've been "clean" for 2 weeks, though. Hurrah! Progress is progress. I've decided to start journaling here, as well, to hold me further accountable.

I want to make it clear that my goal here isn't to necessarily lose weight. I just want to be a "normal" eater (as in, someone who doesn't down a whole bag of mini-Snicker bars for dinner, then drives to the grocery store for a roll of cookie dough. Unless you tell me it is normal, in which case, where are my keys?! I need to go to the grocery store).


Shivers said...

Inspirational stuff. Just found your blog through your comment on Charlotte's. Sounds like you've been through a tough journey. I hear you on the desire to be a 'normal eater', that's what I'm striving for too. I totally envy people who know their limits.