Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Bitch Came Back

Okay...last post on this topic and then I swear I'm done. :-)

My co-workers were going out to lunch to this pizza place today and asked me along. My friend (we'll call her "A") was going, too, which made me a bit nervous. I even contemplated backing out last minute but thought, okay...that's silly. Just go. I even read the comments from my previous post before I left. :-) And if she commented on what I got to eat (or didn't), I had a comeback for her: "I don't make fun of what you eat, so please don't make fun of what I eat." It's silly, but I'm non-confrontational by nature and sometimes have to think of comebacks ahead of time, lol.

So as we're walking out to our cars, we were talking about Girl Scout Cookies. (! Come to me!) I said how much I love them, especially Thin Mints. Well of course A chimed in and said there was no way I eat them, I don't eat at all. She told our co-workers (who weren't there at our last lunch) about what I had to eat previously for lunch and was laughing with them about it. I felt my face turn red and my stomach twist in knots again. Insert my comeback line (above). :-) Her reply was, "Go ahead and make fun of what I eat...I like food!" She went on for another minute or two saying I was too skinny and someone needs to feed me.

By the time we got to the restaurant, I was done. My eyes were welling up with tears and I was texting a friend pretty much the whole time (which was rude, I realize, but I didn't want to start crying in front of all of them!) They all got pizza and I had a 1/2 grilled chicken sandwich and some chips.

Towards the end of the meal, an extra bread stick was left and A looked at me and said, "Go ahead. Eat it." (in a joking way, but almost like a dare). I just smiled and said, "But I don't eat, remember?" Again she brought up my lack of food intake as we were getting ready to leave. Though I'm extreeeeemely non-confrontational, I knew I had to say something to her about it.

On the ride back to the office (she and I rode separately), I basically said this: "I am sorry, but I'm really sensitive to the comments you made about what I eat. It's just that I used to have an eating disorder and get frustrated when people say I don't eat, because I DO. A LOT. Or at least, enough! I just prefer to eat smaller meals during the day and a bigger dinner. And I get upset when people assume I don't eat at all."

Of course she was very apologetic (especially because yours truly was crying at this point, I'm a wuss!) and said she would have never made those comments had she known. She started to talk about how she wishes she didn't like food so much, and I realized again that her comments were about her. Not me.

So...I guess I'm pretty proud of myself for coming clean and telling her how this upset me. This is very outside of my comfort zone to be upfront like this! My normal reaction would have been to be very quiet around her and steer clear of her for awhile. This, I've realized over many years of doing it, doesn't resolve anything. Although it's uncomfortable, sometimes we just have to be honest and let people know how their comments hurt us.

Besides, I love food and my body too much to let her ruin how I feel about them. :-)


Missy said...

Wow she is a bitch! You handled the situation very well though! Sounds like she is very insecure with herself and was taking it out on you! I really hate when people have the nerve to make comments like that! At least you set her straight in the end!!

Erica said...

Good for you for saying something! You rock. I can't believe she brought this up again- the nerve!

Every Gym's Nightmare said...

good for you! and dont worry- i would have cried too. i always cry when something like that happens and i hate it.

i knew she was self conscious- she probably thought you were judging her in your head, so she decided to say something about you out loud. doesnt make it right, but everyone acts that way for a reason.

Kelly Turner

kristen said...

That is so great you stuck up for yourself!! I'm so similar, I'll go out of my way thinking I'm avoiding confrontation, when in reality I'm probably doing myself more harm than good.

AND THIS! "Besides, I love food and my body too much to let her ruin how I feel about them."

I have to remind myself of this in the future. You're so right- we've worked so hard to get to a point where we can appreciate and savor food and accept our bodies. To let someone (who has no idea of our past) negatively effect us only makes our struggle harder, UNNECESSARILY. I'm so glad you posted this, it's definitely inspirational!

Anonymous said...

Oh sweetie, what a sucky situation. You handled it with such finesse! People that do not have an ed have ABSOLUTELY no idea how controlling the disease is. They think we chose not to eat, or chose to binge and purge, or whatever we may do. I don’t think they have any idea that the disease honestly controls every aspect of our being. I honestly think that some people that don’t have ED’s are almost jealous or they glorify the idea.

And about the 2 b/p episodes….they will happen. Just get back on the wagon and start the stretch of how many days/months/etc since your last b/p. More than anything, I know the frustration is losing control and giving into something you thought you were past.

Seeing that you a.) Managed to get over it with only 2 episodes, b.) Admitted to it on here, c.) Were able to discuss a very stressful eating situation with the person who was the antagonist really shows GROWTH and STRENGTH!!! Way to go!


HangryPants said...

I am sorry it made you cry! I am also glad you said something. At least next time you know she won't say anything.

Holly said...

Missy - thank you! I agree...she started to go into her insecurities and then stopped - obviously it's uncomfortable for anyone to talk about. She even said that's how she is, she just jokes with people. Well, not at my expense, honey! :-)

Erica - thanks! Hopefully that'll shut her up, lol.

Kelly - I'm glad I'm not the only crier. :-) Next week is ttotm, which makes me ultra sensitive. I completely agree - it just makes me sad that women like her who have their OWN issues turn them on other people. Maybe this will force her to re-think comments about people's food choices.

Kristen - thank you so much, girl. That is EXACTLY it - I've worked so hard to be happy with my body and how I eat, who is she to take that away? Ugh, so frustrating! I wish the world weren't filled with people like that, but then maybe it's a good thing - maybe it'll help me grow, too.

Fitzalan - you are so sweet! You're exactly right, too - they do think it's all a choice. Um, not so much. The weird thing is that she is an over-eater (I'm guessing she weighs around 250 and is about 5'3") and I would just expect her to watch her words on eating - guess not! And about the b/p, I think it does help to talk about it here. Although it's a little uncomfortable, it makes me feel like I'm owning up to it...instead of running away from it and not talking about it at all.

Heather - Thanks, I hope that shut her up! :-)

Anonymous said...

Admitting that you are doing it shows that you are ready to move past it, not just something you are ashamed of that you are trying to hide under the rug. I know when I admitted to my husband what I was doing was the first major major step towards really moving forward. It definitely is difficult and uncomfortable....but I guess you have to go through the worst to get better.

I think you are really doing awesome and everything you are doing is a positive step foward.


Anonymous said...

Good for you! That was really horrible of her to act the way she did. But it's true that when people start acting in that way and commenting so rudely, it's because they are really directing those comments at themselves. They're just re-directing their own discomforts into making fun of other people. And that's very sad.

- Sagan

alessa said...

Good for you! It seems clear that she is insecure, but that would be really hard for anyone to handle. So glad to hear you said something to her, hopefully it doesn't happen again! Ps. I LOVE the name of your blog!

Anonymous said...

wow im so glad you said something! i'm glad she feels awful about it, it was nasty of her to say to begin with. good job standing up for youself, you shuold be proud!!

Alyssa said...

What a BITCH!!! She has some MAJOR issues with herself, she is obviously taking it all out on you because she is so insecure about herself. I would NEVER go to lunch or dinner with her again because she is not worth your time and she is not deserving of you (even though I do not know you at all)! Way to stick up for yourself and tell her what you are feeling! Though part of me does think she will make comments like that again just because she has done it so mant times before. Even if you aren't eating enough (though I'm not saying you are at all) don't let her comments bother you! Do the other coworkers stick up for you or play along with her?

Holly said...

Fitzalan - thanks. :-) In the "old days" I definitely would have kept this a secret and tried to get over it myself. You are right...I think admitting it (especially relatively quickly after it happened) is a big step. Thanks for reminding me of that!

Sagan - it is sad...isn't it? I just kept thinking about it today, and it saddens me that this woman (and many others) are affecting people in a negative way. Sigh.

Alessa - thank you! Hopefully it will at least keep her from saying things to me again. :-) And thank you - I LOVE me some cookie dough! Any time of day.

Dailygoods - feels weird actually speaking up to someone! Normally I would get upset on my own and just talk about them. lol. I feel so mature! It feels good, though. :-)

Holly said...

Alyssa - Hahaha, I know! I was supposed to go out with her and some people Friday for lunch, and NOW I would rather eat in a sinking boat in the middle of the ocean. lol. The first time it happened, my best friend was there and thankfully defended me. This time, however, I was with all guys, none of whom I really know. So they all just kind of stood there uncomfortably. So yeah, definitely passing on lunch/meals out with her again! :-)

healthy ashley said...

I'm so sorry for having a coworker who says things like that to you. Good for you on standing up for yourself!! I love your attitude and how you sent a healthy message to her!

VeggieGirl said...

Kudos for telling her how you feel - NEVER put up with bitches, girl!!

Holly said...

Healthy Ashley - thanks! I just dread seeing her everyday now. :-( But I kinda like this standing up for yourself thing!

Veggie Girl - lol, thanks! And you are SO RIGHT. :-)