Have you ever reached a goal, and not known what to do with yourself once you're there?
I remember the day of my sister's wedding very vividly. She was the perfect, most beautiful bride. SO incredibly happy with her new husband (FYI - their 8th anniversary is Tuesday and they still act like newlyweds....LOVE that) and beaming with radiance.
My sistah - she was just a baby!
I was confused, then, after the wedding was over when I saw her crying. I asked her why, was something wrong? "No....not at all. Everything is absolutely perfect. It's just that I've dreamed of this day my whole life and now that it's over....well, I'm kind of sad, I guess," she replied.This has always stuck with me. I think sometimes when we've reached a goal, or an event that we've looked forward to is finally coming to an end, we (and by "we" I mean "me") don't know what to do next.
I spent my late teens and early 20's being unhappy with my body and weight. I always compared my current weight at the time to when I was grossly thin, and I was never happy. When I couldn't exercise from the fall of 2007 to the fall of 2008, I gained about 15 pounds. During that year I was even more unhappy with my weight - it's hard for anyone to lose weight, but without exercise? Twice as hard (IMO).
I've worked hard in the last 8 months to lose the 15 pounds. With the combination of eating healthy and working out, I've successfully lost the weight and kept it off for about 6 months. But sometimes, just sometimes, I find myself not knowing what to do next.
It sounds CRAZY, I know. I honestly have never been more happy with my body and weight than I am now, but that creepy little voice in the back of my head sometimes tells me maybe it's not enough. Maybe I should lose more. I try really, really hard to ignore that voice - but it's difficult as that's what I've been telling myself for more than 10 years!
I sometimes wonder if those "skeletons in my closet" will ever go away completely. My thinking is about 80% more "healthy" than it ever was in the throes of my ED - but that nagging 20% hangs on and creeps up sometimes.
Like all things in life, I'm hoping the more I practice my healthy way of thinking about food (I NEVER would have touched PB 5 years ago!), the more of a habit it will be. And maybe, HOPEFULLY, I will silence that little nagging voice forever.
Have you ever reached a goal and not known what to do with yourself once it's met? Did you set a different goal, or focus on being happy in the moment?
Three Things I'm Thankful For Today:
- I'm finally getting my car fixed! So it'll look good as new (hopefully).
- "The Hangover." SO, SO funny.
- Sleeping in.