Saturday, June 13, 2009

Confessional: Reaching a Goal

Have you ever reached a goal, and not known what to do with yourself once you're there?

I remember the day of my sister's wedding very vividly. She was the perfect, most beautiful bride. SO incredibly happy with her new husband (FYI - their 8th anniversary is Tuesday and they still act like newlyweds....LOVE that) and beaming with radiance.

My sistah - she was just a baby!

I was confused, then, after the wedding was over when I saw her crying. I asked her why, was something wrong? "No....not at all. Everything is absolutely perfect. It's just that I've dreamed of this day my whole life and now that it's over....well, I'm kind of sad, I guess," she replied.

This has always stuck with me. I think sometimes when we've reached a goal, or an event that we've looked forward to is finally coming to an end, we (and by "we" I mean "me") don't know what to do next.

I spent my late teens and early 20's being unhappy with my body and weight. I always compared my current weight at the time to when I was grossly thin, and I was never happy. When I couldn't exercise from the fall of 2007 to the fall of 2008, I gained about 15 pounds. During that year I was even more unhappy with my weight - it's hard for anyone to lose weight, but without exercise? Twice as hard (IMO).

I've worked hard in the last 8 months to lose the 15 pounds. With the combination of eating healthy and working out, I've successfully lost the weight and kept it off for about 6 months. But sometimes, just sometimes, I find myself not knowing what to do next.

It sounds CRAZY, I know. I honestly have never been more happy with my body and weight than I am now, but that creepy little voice in the back of my head sometimes tells me maybe it's not enough. Maybe I should lose more. I try really, really hard to ignore that voice - but it's difficult as that's what I've been telling myself for more than 10 years!

I sometimes wonder if those "skeletons in my closet" will ever go away completely. My thinking is about 80% more "healthy" than it ever was in the throes of my ED - but that nagging 20% hangs on and creeps up sometimes.

Like all things in life, I'm hoping the more I practice my healthy way of thinking about food (I NEVER would have touched PB 5 years ago!), the more of a habit it will be. And maybe, HOPEFULLY, I will silence that little nagging voice forever.

Have you ever reached a goal and not known what to do with yourself once it's met? Did you set a different goal, or focus on being happy in the moment?

Three Things I'm Thankful For Today:

- I'm finally getting my car fixed! So it'll look good as new (hopefully).
- "The Hangover." SO, SO funny.
- Sleeping in.


Kim said...

I get like this a lot. More with events though. I look forward to something for a long time and it may not turn out the way I expect it, and I just feel so depressed. I often feel that way the day after my birthday!

It's a bit different, but I can relate. I had to sign up for a full marathon RIGHT AFTER my half. I felt loss without a goal. I wish I could just be happy as I am instead of always looking forward to something!

Anonymous said...

I can completely relate. I felt that way after my first marathon was over...18 weeks of dedication, hard work, and anticipation, and then it was all over in the blink of an eye! So I fell back into some pretty destructive habits.

I signed up for a couple more races right away, and learned that because I am such a goal-oriented person, I need to have a plan for not just reaching my goal, but what I need to do after I reach it. Something else to focus on and look forward to. It's a very tough thing to do!

Congrats though on reaching your 15 lb goal. That's really inspiring!

Nicole said...

great post!

i can totally relate and understand. especailly with your sister. your wedding, well anyone's wedding, gets so much hype, with money and wanting to have the perfect day. once its over, its like-- wow! i know i'll be sad when its my turn. a happy sad though.

setting goals and achieving them is amazing and wonderful. once you achieve your goal, set a new goal. to run a marathon, to keep lowering your PR. the world is full of endless opportunities and goals.

live each day of your life as if it were your last. love with all of your heart & never have regrets. life is too short to be anything but happy.

i'm thankful for
-the sunshine on my face
-people waving at me when i run
-great memories

happy sunday xoxo

Kristen Mullane said...

I find maintenance much harder than losing weight, because there isn't a clear goal to work toward.

Those "skeleton" voices in my head have definitely been a topic of conversation several times during therapy sessions. My therapist told me that they may never go away, and that's okay. The key is to acknowledge them, and let them pass. The hard part is simply letting them go...we don't have to believe them, we can't allow our actions to respond to them, we can choose not to give them any real weight to who we are.

That's the hard part, haha. But I think it's working. We'll never clear our head of all negative thinking- I'm pretty sure there are a lot of women who have never had an ED that have negative thoughts too. If they can overcome them, there's no reason why we can't either.