Thursday, April 23, 2009

Ain't Nothin' Gonna Break My Stride

This Saturday night, I’m going to a party for one of my friends. The weather is supposed to be perfect, and I’m excited to see my friend and her family. However, my stomach is in knots because a girl I know will be there (actually, I used to be friends with her), and she makes me nervous.

I can’t explain it. I’m such a people pleaser, and I get incredible anxiety if I think someone doesn’t like me or is mad at me. Short story long: this girl (we’ll call her “J”) and I used to be friends, and now she is very condescending and snotty towards me. In short, she makes me feel bad about myself.

I think we’ve all been in this situation (or maybe it’s just melodramatic ole’ me), when we’ve had to go to an event where we know we’ll see someone we don’t necessarily want to see. Weddings are a big one for me – why do so many of my exes insist on being invited to the same weddings as me? lol.

Whenever I’m feeling anxious about a situation such as the party this weekend, or anything really, sometimes my anxiety manifests itself through my eating. I hate that it does, when really I should just take a walk, meditate, or call a friend when feeling stressed. But eating cookie dough is easier. ;-)

I’ve been eating so well the past few months; why should I let the presence of someone else dictate my eating this week? Exactly. It’s a hard habit to break because I’ve been using food as my emotional outlet (under eating/overeating/binging and purging) for years. But I’m challenging myself to NOT let this stress get to me.

How about you? How do you deal with stress and upcoming events? Ever tried to hide from an ex in a conga line at a wedding?

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Anonymous said...

Hang in there girl! I totally get stressed out in situations like that as well.

kristen said...

Wow, we're so alike! There are definitely some people from my past that give me some anxiety. My opinion of myself was much lower back in high school - and even in college - and seeing people I don't keep in touch with anymore from those times stirs something negative up.

I think it's important to give yourself a little pep talk before you go to the party. Remind yourself who your real friends are and how they make you feel. Maybe you can even give a friend who won't be at the party a heads up about where you'll be so you can give her a call "in case of emergency." Sometimes it's good to have a quick chat/gossip/pick me up.

Anonymous said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel! I am such a people please too and I get so hurt when I "fail". remember that you have a right to be at that wedding as much as they do. You have the right idea with not letting anything break your stride =)

Anonymous said...

Ugh, I know what you mean about the stress eating. And your story sounds EXACTLY like what my friend is going through (she gets super anxious around an old acquaintance of ours). It can be tough, but you can get through it! And hey, maybe SHE'S anxious to see you, too. Work it with confidence ;)

- Sagan

Wiggs (The Beholder) said...

I HATE the feeling of being around someone who I know doesn't like me. And if you read my blog, you can probably surmise that I rub some people the wrong way.

I eat when I'm stressed, too - so in order to avoid this, I keep lots of tea and verrrrrry low-calorie treats around to curb my "hunger." That way, if I'm REALLY hungry, the few calories in, say half a cup of frozen blueberries, won't satisfy me and I'll know that my body is actually asking me for fuel. More often than not, though, having a cup of tea or a small snack curbs my impulse to stress-eat.

lesley said...

Good luck tomorrow!! I have those EXACT same feelings ... "I'm such a people pleaser, and I get incredible anxiet if I think someone doesn't like me or is mad at me" ... I could not have said it better myself!! It's something I'm continually working on.

Anonymous said...

Good luck Holly! I wish I had some good advice for you, but I am such a "people pleaser" myself and am constantly working on my self-confidence. I hope you have a good time, let us know how it goes!

healthy ashley said...

OH NO! I hope Friday went okay. Please update us!

I eat when I am stressed or nervous.. hate that!

Anonymous said...

You just wrote word for word a major issue I deal with. I have one friend that fits perfectly into this description. Well she isn't really a friend anymore. But she was my roommate all through under-grad. We were great friends. But now, as adults, she only brings out the worst in me. She is judgemental, shallow and snobby. And being around her some how brings these sides out of me...or just makes me get really frustrated and angry and I take this out on people other than her.

Finally I made the decision to cut her out of my life. I didn't really address the situation, just behaved like a middle schooler and quit returning her calls and emails. Luckily she lives a few hours away. Anyway, she eventually got the hint.

I am TERRIFIED that I will ever run into her again in life...if be a wedding, funeral, anything. I can already tell you that I will overeat or overdrink at what ever event I may have to run into her again at.

I think the fact you acknowledge this person does this to you is a MAJOR step and you may or may not be able to control you reaction to her...but at least you are aware!

Happiness Awaits

Erica said...

Do not let ANYONE make you feel bad! I hope you ENJOYED yourself!!

Holly said...

Thanks for all of your helpful words! I'm glad I'm not the only one whose stomach gets into knots over this. I think (for me) it's really working on not caring so much what other people think.

And the ironic thing? She wasn't even there! All that worry for nuthin'. I do have to see her next Friday, but it's with a group of friends. And I'm a firm believer in 'strength in numbers.'