Crap Free Week...Kind of

Seeing other bloggers partake in their own versions of "Crap Free Week" has made me want to do my own take on this. I love how everything is modifying it based on what they see as "crap" or what addictions they want to rid themselves of.

Today Lent begins and I have this FEELING that I should give up something like Diet Coke or chocolate (because I could easily murder someone if I go a day without them). HOWEVER, I am a weenie and can't do that for 40 days. Maybe next year! (oops, I say that every year). I AM giving up candy - not that I eat a lot, but every now and then I'll snack on M&M's or random candy at work (hellllooo, conversation hearts! how I love thee). But enough of that, onto Crap Free Week!

I WISH I could give up caffeine completely during CFW, but I just know this isn't possible - at least not right away. I will try to have tea the first 3 days and then go the last 4 days without caffeine. Here are my other "rules":

NO:

- Frozen meals
- DIET COKE! (I will drink unsweetened ice tea the first 3 days, though)
- No bars
- No dessert
- Processed foods


YES:

- Lots of fruits and veggies!
- Herbal teas
- Yogurt/cottage cheese (I have a history of stress fractures and have to watch those bones since I don't drink milk) ;-)

I am planning on starting this SUNDAY, March 1st. The only exception I have to CFW (I can have ONE...right?) is Monday night I'll be getting together with my girlfriends to watch the finale of "The Bachelor" (don't hate). There are ALWAYS desserts to be eaten...and I will limit myself to ONE.

Here's hoping! I will keep you posted. :-)

The Bitch Came Back

Okay...last post on this topic and then I swear I'm done. :-)

My co-workers were going out to lunch to this pizza place today and asked me along. My friend (we'll call her "A") was going, too, which made me a bit nervous. I even contemplated backing out last minute but thought, okay...that's silly. Just go. I even read the comments from my previous post before I left. :-) And if she commented on what I got to eat (or didn't), I had a comeback for her: "I don't make fun of what you eat, so please don't make fun of what I eat." It's silly, but I'm non-confrontational by nature and sometimes have to think of comebacks ahead of time, lol.

So as we're walking out to our cars, we were talking about Girl Scout Cookies. (Ahhh...love! Come to me!) I said how much I love them, especially Thin Mints. Well of course A chimed in and said there was no way I eat them, I don't eat at all. She told our co-workers (who weren't there at our last lunch) about what I had to eat previously for lunch and was laughing with them about it. I felt my face turn red and my stomach twist in knots again. Insert my comeback line (above). :-) Her reply was, "Go ahead and make fun of what I eat...I like food!" She went on for another minute or two saying I was too skinny and someone needs to feed me.

By the time we got to the restaurant, I was done. My eyes were welling up with tears and I was texting a friend pretty much the whole time (which was rude, I realize, but I didn't want to start crying in front of all of them!) They all got pizza and I had a 1/2 grilled chicken sandwich and some chips.

Towards the end of the meal, an extra bread stick was left and A looked at me and said, "Go ahead. Eat it." (in a joking way, but almost like a dare). I just smiled and said, "But I don't eat, remember?" Again she brought up my lack of food intake as we were getting ready to leave. Though I'm extreeeeemely non-confrontational, I knew I had to say something to her about it.

On the ride back to the office (she and I rode separately), I basically said this: "I am sorry, but I'm really sensitive to the comments you made about what I eat. It's just that I used to have an eating disorder and get frustrated when people say I don't eat, because I DO. A LOT. Or at least, enough! I just prefer to eat smaller meals during the day and a bigger dinner. And I get upset when people assume I don't eat at all."

Of course she was very apologetic (especially because yours truly was crying at this point, I'm a wuss!) and said she would have never made those comments had she known. She started to talk about how she wishes she didn't like food so much, and I realized again that her comments were about her. Not me.

So...I guess I'm pretty proud of myself for coming clean and telling her how this upset me. This is very outside of my comfort zone to be upfront like this! My normal reaction would have been to be very quiet around her and steer clear of her for awhile. This, I've realized over many years of doing it, doesn't resolve anything. Although it's uncomfortable, sometimes we just have to be honest and let people know how their comments hurt us.

Besides, I love food and my body too much to let her ruin how I feel about them. :-)

Coming Clean

Whenever I have a slip up or something goes "wrong," I don't like to post about it. Crazy, right? I mean, I know you aren't here to judge me...it's just something I struggle with because I beat myself up SO MUCH for the bad choices that I make. Anyway. :-)

The past month or two I've had some things going on in my life that have caused some anxiety. I've had an INSANE amount of work to complete at my job due to a co-worker being let go, my (newish) roommate situation has me stressing a bit, and I'm seeing a guy now and it's also causing add stress. So there is the background, in a nut shell.

I want to be honest and just put it out there that I've had 2 slip ups with binging and purging in the past 2 weeks. It had been SO LONG since I'd done it. In the year I couldn't exercise, I found myself binging like mad and NOT purging. I guess now that I've shed all that weight that I had put on and am really feeling good about my body, I feel that anxiety of, "What if it comes back?" Also, I've been doing SO well with not binging at all, that I freaked last week when I binged on candy and junk food. I'm extreeeemely disappointed in myself, but more than that I am scared that I might fall into this pattern again. I know I am stronger now than when I have binged and purged in the past, and also I know that 2 times of binging and purging does not necessarily mean a path to self-destruction.

I guess I have to realize that EVERYONE who has had an eating disorder (or disordered eating) has slip ups. We all have "those days." We all might eat too many cookies, or go to bed hungry because we don't want the calories that our bodies actually need. We all beat ourselves up for those days probably much more than we should. I am just working on getting back on my feet again and not falling into a destructive pattern again. :-)

You're Eating WHAT?!

Last week, my co-workers and I went out to lunch to meet up with a former co-worker. From all of my years with an ED, I really dread going out to eat with people other than my best friends or family. This is for several reasons....are they going to critique my meal? Will they think I'm eating too much or too little? Will they wonder if I'll make myself sick or restrict my eating later? It just causes a lot of anxiety, and so - sad as it is - I sometimes avoid going out to eat when I can because of this. (hello, extremely sensitive person!)

Anyway, there were 5 of us total. One co-worker in particular is very overweight, and extremely outspoken. I knew when I ordered my lunch she would have something to say, so I tried to do it quickly and quietly, hahaha. We were at Bob Evans (I love breakfast for lunch!) and I got 2 eggs and a sausage link. Okay...sure. Looking back this meal was very small, but I'm trying to be frugal here. :-) Also, I normally eat a smaller breakfast and lunch because it makes me soooo sleepy when I'm full.

Immediately when I placed my order, my co-worker laughed and said, "Sweetie, you're going to have to sit over THERE because we EAT at this table!" I was so embarrassed and flustered....what was I supposed to say? Mainly I didn't want to hurt her feelings in any way because she is overweight. On the OTHER hand, why is it any better for her to make fun of what I am eating, too?

When the food was brought out to us, I felt SO guilty for what she said that I took the toast, sausage link, and extra pancake that my other co-worker wasn't going to eat and offered to me. But THEN of course I was stuffed and felt lethargic and guilty all day. Being guilted into eating isn't very fun, either!

It's just such a gray area (I always feel weird whenever I spell grey/gray, I feel like I should spell it the other way, hahaha) because obese people shouldn't be picked on for how much they eat. But then thinner people shouldn't EITHER. Ya feel me? :-)

Have you ever been in a similar situation? How have you handled it?

Half-Marathon Training Plan

Ever since I was 16, I've run half-marathons without following a training plan. Why? Well I guess I could say I was young and stupid, but really I just didn't think to follow a program since I ran regularly. Now that I've started running again and feel like a new runner, I definitely am trying my best to be cautious and pay attention to the 10% rule with increasing my mileage. I also want to follow an actual training program this time to help prevent injury.

I've always used Hal Higdon's plans for my marathon training and I absolutely love them. Plus, I love him - he's a fellow Hoosier! :-) Here is the plan I'm going to use for my 1/2 in (eeek) 12 weeks! The only change I'm making is that I'm not doing the speedwork on Wednesdays. I guess I'm not too concerned with my time...I seriously just want to finish and would love to be able to run the whole race. That will mean the world to me after having not been able to run at all for a year!

If you run, do you follow training programs? If you don't run, are you a planner in physical things that you do?

Lovin' Some Cilantro

I don't know about you, but I am a LOVAH of anything cilantro. I have made this stuff about 20 times, and while it is really good with chips, I actually eat it by itself more often than not.




Corn and Black Bean Salad

4 ears of fresh corn (cooked and sliced off cob) or 1 large bag of frozen white sweet corn (cooked)
1 15 oz. can of black beans, rinsed and drained
½ cup chopped green onions
½ cup chopped cilantro
1 red bell pepper
¼ cup red wine vinegar
1 teaspoon sugar
2 teaspoons canola oil
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon ground cumin
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Dash of salt

Combine corn, black beans, green onions, cilantro, and pepper in large bowl. In small bowl, combine vinegar and remaining ingredients. Drizzle vinegar mixture over corn and beans. Can be served with tortilla chips, but good enough to eat with a spoon. And I do.

Mmmm....New Cookies

I made these new cookies this weekend and YUM! If you like Thin Mints, you will love these. I'm a chocolate girl, so the idea of chocolate with more chocolate was oh so appealing. :-)